He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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