She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
