I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
