I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You made out with two different species that night
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
