**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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