repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
