shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
