I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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