hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
