I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
