SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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