Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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