i think my tv is drunk
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
