he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
