I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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