either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
