I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize