I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
How's work?
Spinning.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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