I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
