Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
