Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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