I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
