I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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