So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
