none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
