This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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