the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize