I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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