"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
