dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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