Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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