wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
