dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
