thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
