Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
