At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
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My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
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And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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