I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
