He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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