Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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