so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
