Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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