I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
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She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
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I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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