From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
im calling her cock vulture from now on
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Randomize
