he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
