OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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