hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
