remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
