We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Randomize
