he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
