last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
