just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
