I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
