Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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