a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
