Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
