i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Randomize
